I am so excited as I write this entry. So excited in fact, that I don’t even know where to start. There is so much I want to tell you about what has been going on with Jesus and me!! I can’t reveal it all yet but WOW is it good!
Let me start from the beginning, well before the beginning. For quite some time now, the Lord has been pressing me to turn my walk in closet into a prayer room. For a few months, He would randomly drop into my spirit to clean out my closet and make a space. I kept putting it off because I’m lazy… Typically all of my clothes end up in piles all around my room. What I do have in my closet is stuff I don’t wear, lol. I am very much an on the go kind of woman but for some reason, my brain finds it easier to dig through piles of clothes instead of just walking into my closet like a normal person.
Well the end of April, the Lord finally got my attention and downloaded motivation into me to clean my piles out of my closet. I cleaned it out, grabbed my tiny lamp and sat down on the floor. I stared at this blank wall in front of me and just envisioned it being full of stuff. Honestly, as I sat there, I had no idea what to do or say. I just put my earbuds in and listened to worship music. Since that night, I would randomly just go in there and just sit. I wrote out a few prayers and tacked them to the wall in front of me. Still at that time, I really didn’t even know what I was supposed to do. I just knew that God wanted me to make a space. After that night, the Lord would drop into my spirit to make it a comfy space, but once again, I didn’t listen to Him.. I’m lazy *face palm*
Now let’s go to Saturday May 27th. I was supposed to go to the lake that morning but it turned out to be a rainy day. So, I did what I do best.. I played video games on my Play Station! I finally pulled myself up off the couch and got ready to meet my friend to go spend my gift cards that was sent to me for my upcoming birthday. I was completely oblivious on what was going to happen later on that day. My friend and I went shopping, and I wanted to get some stuff for my bathroom. My bathroom is very plain and has been on my list for a while now to give it some Leah charm. I bought a new shower shelf thingy, some rugs and a round wooden tray to put on my counter to decorate with. I know.. you’re probably thinking, why does that matter? Don’t worry, I will circle back around to that part soon.
I get home, I put my new rugs down, I put my little tray on my counter and filled it with some little décor I had laying around and called it a day. I don’t really remember what I did after that. It’s not very important I guess! Around 9 that night, I found myself in my prayer closet. My phone was on 9% and since I was listening to music, so I knew I wouldn’t be in there that long. Well I was wrong..
Okay, pause there for just a sec, let me give you a little back story. Remember when I wrote that blog “Adventures of the Emotion Wheel: My First Memory.” Well if you don’t, go back and read it. I’ll wait! *jeopardy music* Okay, you’re back! Great! Around the time I wrote that blog, the Lord revealed to me that I was going on this journey of emotions. Not going to lie, I had an attitude about it. I turned my emotions off around the age of 16 and was perfectly fine with not feeling my feelings anymore. Me being the person that I am, I get on my social media platforms and start posting about it. Warning my readers that their news feed was about to fill up with all kinds of stuff. God made it real clear a long time ago that I am to share, share, share! Share it all.. No matter how dumb it may seem. I’m pretty open as you can probably tell by now, so that was no issue for me.
My friend gives me this emotion wheel and I started making jokes about it. Well, the joke was about to be on me because the Lord was going to use those emotions to pour into me. Another thing, this is the part that I’m a little hesitant to write about. Ever since a kid, I’ve always had visions. Some random thought would pop in my head and then it would happen. I never really would tell people about it because you would just think I was weird. When I started walking with Jesus, those thoughts & visions came back. It would be so random, for example. I was at a women’s retreat sometime last year and all of us ladies were in the dining room having dinner. I grabbed a few plates to take them to the dirty dishes window and as I walked by the door of the kitchen, I had a vision of plates falling on the floor.
The following night, we were eating dinner again and a lady came around collecting our plates. She had quite a few of them in her hands as she made her way to the dirty dishes window, she walked by the door to the kitchen and dropped some of the plates. The minute those plates hit the floor, I flashed back to that vision the night before and it startled me a little bit. I know this all sounds so crazy but in order for you to understand what took place in my closet, I have to give a back story first. I’m also horrible at writing down things that gets dropped in my spirit because I think I can remember it all. Well I can never remember what the Lord gives me because I don’t write it down.
Okay, now I’m back in my closet Saturday night.. I’m listening to my music, I’m praying and worshiping typical night. This time I had a notebook in there with me and I started writing down a prayer for someone I know. This part happened so fast, so I’m going to try to dumb it down enough that it makes sense to those that are reading this. I tacked this prayer on the wall and I leaned my head up against the wall. And the Lord dropped a vision into my mind and He told me to write it down and label it vision. Then BOOM! It happened.. God said, “You have to stay in this closet until I tell you to leave.” I sat up real quick and said back, “Okay well I’m going to need a red-bull. My phone is about to die, I have to pee and I need stuff if I am to stay in here with you all night.” He gave me 15 minutes to go and collect what I needed. I really wish I could give you visuals on how I ran around my house trying to gather up everything I needed. So I grabbed:
-two red-bulls
-the two bottle waters I had left
-tape
-my phone charger
-my pillow
-an extension cord long enough that would reach into my closet so I could plug my phone in.
-my anointing oil
-and a partridge in a pear tree
I threw it all in my closet, shut the door and sat on the floor and went, “Now what?” LOL..
At 9:29 pm on that Saturday night, I sent a text to my friend and told her it was happening. I let her know that the Lord was keeping me in my closet until 3 am and for her to pray. I grabbed my note book and started writing down everything that dropped in my spirit. I was realizing quickly that my notes were becoming very unorganized. I needed another notebook but I couldn’t leave the closet. A long time ago, I moved a night stand I had in my room that I wasn’t using into my closet. I opened the drawer, low and behold there was a note book that had never been used… the first page had something I wrote down back in 2016. It was a quick little note I wrote down. It was written on the day I got baptized. *crying*
Then I started making lists. Each page was a different list.. Then the Lord would give me a new title for a new list so I made a new page. This went on for HOURS! List after list after list after list. Some were about worship music, some were for blogs, some were for people, but the majority of it the first night was a book about my night in the closet with Jesus. Little did I know that my night with Jesus was going to go on for several nights. Through out the night, I would grab my phone to take pictures of what was around me and would make short videos of myself in the closet. I already knew I needed to document what was going on but I felt so dumb recording myself crying and talking about what was going on.
The Lord kept taking me to different pages in my notebook and would download into me what He wanted me to write about. One minute I would be happy, the next minute I was scared, the next one I was crying, the next minute I was jumping up and down. It was so much so fast.. It just kept coming and I could feel my flesh getting tired. I would beg the Lord for a break, “Lord please, I need to pee” and “Lord, I need to fill up my water bottle.” He would grant me my request so I could come out of my closet to just breathe for a second. Then I’d go right back in..
Around 2 in the morning, I was so exhausted and I was laying on the floor on my stomach with my hands tucked up under me. I just wanted to close my eyes and go to sleep… “Just let me lay here for a minute.” The Lord wouldn’t let me.. He kept telling me to get up, He had more for me. It took every ounce of strength I had left to get up off the floor. Then He kept just pouring more and more and more into me. I kept writing and writing and writing..
Finally, He released me and I could leave the closet. I grabbed my phone and went into my bathroom to take a shower. Remember when I told you what I bought earlier that day to go in my bathroom. Can I just tell you that was the best shower I’ve ever taken in my life!! But here is where the blessing came into play. I got out of the shower and looked around my nice newly decorated bathroom. It wasn’t much I did in there but it was enough to make that space comfortable and peaceful. He wanted me to have a nice place to go into so I could wash off all of those emotions I just felt. As the peaceful music was playing on my phone, I started to cry yet again.. Just thanking Him for everything that took place that night. I was just blown away by what was happening.. I kept saying, “Is this real? Is this really happening?”
Little did I know, that was just the beginning of what was yet to come. I went to bed that night and all I could think was how I couldn’t wait to tell my friend what happened in my closet. The next morning I woke up and I had to get ready for Church. Tired is an understatement on how I was feeling. There wasn’t enough red-bull to help me gain my energy back. As I looked at the open door to my closet just remembering what went on, I was legit in a one on one encounter with God’s presence. All of these words I’ve written so far don’t even touch the surface.. I didn’t even want to go back in there after that because I was scared He wouldn’t let me leave again. I don’t think I could have taken much more.. The only thing I wanted to do was go to Church, come home and sleep.
I went to Church, came home and took a nice nap. Later that evening, I was on the phone with my friend and I went back into my closet to read some notes I wrote down. Well, then night two started and He once again started downloading into me while I was on the phone with my friend. I’m going to write a part two of night two because I will keep you here all day reading this entry. But this is what I will say about night two.
My social media platforms consist of Instagram, Facebook and Tiktok. Facebook and Tiktok are the only two that I spend the most time on. I made a new Instagram a while back but I have always found Instagram to be boring. (no offense Instagram). I post on it because it then transfers what I wrote there onto Facebook so I kill two birds with one stone and I never really scroll through Instagram because I don’t have a lot of followers on it yet. Well, it was coming to the point where I started to care about who was commenting and liking my posts on Facebook. It was becoming so bad that I would keep my phone in my hands to see what was going on. I’ve always kept a mind set that the things I posted were only meant for those who needed it. I never cared about how many likes I got or how many comments. Having validation from people wasn’t a thing for me anymore. Well that craving to get validation from the world was becoming unhealthy in my mind.
The discouragement started to set in that what I was posting, writing about or what videos I made were dumb and not of the Lord. Then came the doubt.. I was doubting myself and started to tell myself that I was doing this for attention and I wasn’t glorifying the Lord in all that I was doing. So on night two, I sat in my closet and it was dropped on me to uninstall Facebook from my phone. I started to do it but then I stopped and started thinking. How am I going to share my posts on Facebook if I don’t have it, and I have stuff on Facebook I have to keep up with. Then I started thinking, actually there isn’t anything there I need at this moment. What I post on Instagram, it will transfer over and I won’t have to worry about who sees it or what they have to say about it. I didn’t have to worry about who it would reach because He is going before me and reaching the people it’s meant for.
Facebook was also a distraction for me and I needed to get rid of my distractions at this time. I have to focus on what the Lord has for me and I don’t need to worry about anything else. Can I just tell you the freedom I felt when I took that app off of my phone. That platform was fueling a spirit inside of me and I had to starve it so I could get rid of it. Why am I sharing this? Because.. what I write about or post has nothing to do with me. It’s all about HIM! It’s about Jesus and no one else. I just want to share with you what Jesus is doing in my life and I don’t need to care about what anyone thinks about that. I have to be obedient in what God needs and wants from me.
I heard someone say recently that when the Lord really starts moving, the devil will do anything he can to ruin it. The enemy doesn’t want you go get closer to God because then he loses. Well he’s going to lose this battle he’s trying to fight with me because my God is so much bigger than anything the devil tries to throw at me. I’m going to post everything the Lord wants me to post because I’m in the game of winning souls for the Lord. I want to see you in Heaven!
I’m going to end this entry for now but like I always say.. stay tuned!
I love your face
That's all I wrote 